Roads? How Boring!

Firstly, I am well aware that I am in Africa, not Western Europe. However, some things still amaze me. Roads are often closed out here, mainly because of freak natural events, animal crossings or the road just not being very good. But when there is a sign saying 'road closed' it is apparently more of a suggestion than a direction.

So said our driver, shortly after spending over an hour stuck in a wadi (dry riverbed) with twelve inch deep sand, having to dig out our truck only for it to travel ten metres before being stuck again. Luckily there was a passing bulldozer in the middle of the Nambian desert (the only other vehicle we had seen for four hours) which we were able to engage the helpful services of, otherwise I would still be there now. But then apparently the diversion for the closed road would have taken us over a hundred miles off course. Although that would have been on a road, rather than sand covered mud - 'beaten paths are for beaten men,' a wise man once said - and we certainly have not been beaten yet.

My most recent off road experience has been in the Okavango Delta, Northern Botswana, which is apparently one of the most outstanding areas of natural beauty in the world. So said David Attenborough, anyway. I myself thought it was quite nice, although I managed to fall asleep for the majority of time I was traveling through the Delta in a Mokoro (kind of African gondola made out of tree trunks) so didn't see an awful lot until we got to our campsite. By which time it was dark.

I did however come within twenty metres of Africa's most dangerous mamal. Seemingly lumbering, passive and a bit ugly, the hippo (kubu, in the local kavango language) is prone to attack anyone who goes a bit too close. It didn't come near me, though - probably because I was so close to sleep myself that it didn't recognise me as a living creature it would actually be worth attacking. Quite cool though, hippos. And they can be quite intimidating at close range.

My favourite animal is probably the African Elephant though. He (I prefer the bulls) is like the guy in the gym who comes along wearing a loose hoodie and some old trainers who, without any pretensions, warming up or posturing, just walks over to the bench press, whacks 100kg on each side and powers out 10 reps without even breathing. The elephant knows he is the biggest, and strongest, and everyone else knows that too. He doesn't go around getting in fights or bullying anyone, he just walks from watering hole to watering hole, eating a few leaves as he goes. The only animal he ever disturbs is the lion - the bully of the bush - because once some hungry lions killed a baby elephant, and an elephant never forgets. So the elephant restores order, gives safety to those springboks, impalas and zebras who just want to go for a drink without getting started on by an arrogant lion, and is fascinating throughout the process. I was lucky enough to be in the middle of a herd fifty strong in the Etosha National Park, Namibia, and it is an experience I will not forget.

Other things I am unlikely to forget are getting smashed on the Okavango River above some hungry crocodiles, trying to stare out a black rhino, and attempting to join in singing with a traditional African choir and setting them off wailing because I was so bad. They did very much enjoy my rendition of silent night, though. As well as my version of the pre-1945 German national anthem.

Botswana is very much the same as Namibia, apart from the fact that there are cows everywhere. I don't know who they belong to, and nor, I think, does anyone else. But apparently someone would get annoyed if I slaughtered one for dinner. AIDS and poverty are rife here, but it has the basic amenities and the people are still very happy. I'm off to the Chobe National Park now, which apparently has 55,000 elephants - some of whom I am very much looking forward to meeting.