Beaten Paths Are For Beaten Men

And I'm taking a beaten path. So does that make me a beaten man? I would hope not. Let me explain.

I have decided to fly to Mozambique, at a whopping US$290. The flight, to Nampula, takes 3hrs and covers a distance of 1500 miles. The alternative was the following. 

I would have taken a 12 hour bus journey from Dar es Salaam to Mtwara, at the very top of the map. I would have had to stay the night at Mtwara before getting a transport (in the back of a pick up truck) to the border at 3.00am. At the border I'd have to pay an exit fee from Tanzania of around US$5. I would then board a dugout canoe on the banks of the crocodile-infested Rovuma river for an initial fee of Mtc300 (around US$10). The boat trip takes around four hours. Except after about two hours the boat is stopped, the crew approach you and demand anywhere between Mtc3000, equivalent to $100 or they take you no further. If you refuse they attempt to take some of your possessions as substitute payment. 

Upon reaching the Mozambique border (if you do), there is no way of getting a visa at the border post. It has to be prearranged in Dar es Salaam, a process which takes 5 days and costs $50, twice the amount it would when bought at any airports. The immigration officers at the border also look for 'gifts' to ease your crossing. 

Once through the border it is back into a pickup (the back of one) for a further drive to Mocimboa da Praia, which should be reached by nightfall. From there it is a further three days travelling to Pemba. And then another day to Nampula, during which accomodation and transport costs would total at least $40 per day. 

So, this route would have taken six days, cost $300 and would probably have been highly unpleasant. Therefore I am taking a plane for three hours at a cost of $290 and should be virtually hassle-free (though I am travelling with Mozambique Airlines).

Therefore rather than referring to myself as a Beaten Man, I am preferring the term 'pragmatist' at the moment. Though we shall see how things work out. 

Anyway on to more interesting things. Spot the odd one out: Robert Mugabe, Nelson Mandela, Barack Obama, Wayne Looney. Got it? It's actually Mandela. The other three are national heroes here. 

I was in the supermarket earlier where there were Obama notebooks and pencils for sale (I do wish it was safe enough to carry my camera around here, then I could take some snaps. I also wish I hadn't lost the lead to my camera, so on taking these pictures I could upload them. But that's not the issue). Whilst on the streets every man and his dog has a fake united shirt on with 'Rooney' on the back - though they still insist on pronouncing it 'Looney' - they've probably been reading the News of the World. Oh wait. the News of the World doesn't exist anymore.

On a side note, what is happening in the UK in my absence? That great bastion of the working class media has gone under, people are rioting all over the place and Red Bull haven't won any of the last three Grand Prix. The world has turned upside down. Although one thing remains constant (and probably will): my parents are still spending their lives going out to dinner and moaning about their children.

Anyway Obama and Rooney are heroes - we can see why: one gives hope to all local people here who perhaps haven't had the best education but still want to reach the top of their profession, despite their social background and place of birth, whilst the other became the first black President of the United States. But Mugabe? Why glorify a man who crippled and desecrated one of the most naturally beautiful nations on the planet? Because he defies the West. And despite western influences being everywhere (Barclays is the biggest bank here), people resent it. And so there is a Mugabe street in every major town, and there are even schools and public buildings named after him. Shame really.

One last thing I found out today: in an attempt to stay out of the argument over what to call the popular potato-based fried snacks of which Walkers/Lays are one example, the Tanzanians have gone for the word 'Crips'. They aren't chips, and they aren't crisps. They are crips. Now that is fence sitting for you. You wouldn't find that in France (where phonetically you would think crisps are called 'sheep').

So I'm saying goodbye to Tanzania. It should take me 2-3 weeks to get through Mozambique to Jo'burg, where I start the final leg of my trip, all the way round the Cape to a place we called 'Good Hope'. By that point I'll probably be busking on street corners (Kenny Rogers is really popular in South Africa you know) and sleeping in doorways due to lack of money. But hey, This Is Africa - anything is possible.