'What time will it be open in the morning?'
Muttered conversation to friend in Swahili, 'Tri,' he says, holding up three fingers.
'3? In the morning?'
'Yes, rafiki.'
So an internet cafe that opens at 3 in the morning. Yes I was confused. But then I got back to my hotel and read the notice on my door which said, 'Check out by 4.00 morning.' Something isn't right here. Are we on GMT or something?
No. We aren't. Time actually starts here (Dar-es-Salaam, Tanzania) at 6.00am, so 3.00 actually means nine in the morning, which is a far more acceptable time for an internet cafe to open than at normal night club kicking out time.
Not that there are any night clubs in Dar-es-Salaam. It's Ramadan at the moment, so all anyone does at night is eat. Which means eating during the day is very difficult, with not even a Mandazi (savoury doughnut) for sale at the side of the road. And the moment you start hitting the shops, white man (mzungu) prices start crippling the wallet. Thank the lord for Tanzanian Subway. At half the western price for a foot long Italian BMT, lunch and dinner are sorted. And at the well-reputed (not) Dar-es-Salaam YMCA, breakfast is included, which consists of an omlette (where at least half an egg is used per person, the rest of which is made up with watery milk) on African toast (bread left out in the sun), enough to see anyone through until 10.00am (or 4.00 morning as us Swahili speakers call it).
At first I thought it odd when people started calling 'Rafiki' and 'Hakuna Matata' at me from across the street - in the same way they like to call out, 'my friend, you know Manchester? Wayne Looney?' (Africans confuse their 'L' and 'R' sounds). I didn't know the Lion King was that popular in East Africa, but luckily I was readily prepared for this eventuality, with the Original West End Cast Recording of the Lion King stage show on my iPod (which doesn't get that much use anymore, due to prior explained reasons). Thus as soon as someone called to me 'Hukuna Matata', I was able to reply, 'What a wonderful phrase', expecting the addresser to respond, 'it means no worries, for the rest of your days.' But he didn't. Because 'hakuna matata' did not originate in the Lion King - it is actually Swahili for 'no worries' - hence the song.
In the same way 'Rafiki' means 'friend,' Simba means lion and Pumba means warthog. Although apparently Scar just means evil regicidal lion with a black mane who only wants to increase the infant mortality rate among lions in the East African Savannah.
Anyway armed with my vast Swahili vocabulary I have spent my entire time here in...posh western hotels. Definitely the way forward. Being white means I am instantly trusted (I sometimes wonder what the security people would do if they worked in Liverpool), so I can just chill out in posh cafes and bars watching sports, drinking tea and scheming on how I can get into the gym without being a guest.
I have another two days to do so though, seeing as Ramadan, the weekend and then a public holiday means I have been able to sort out nothing for Mozambique, except the decision to fly instead of going the overland route. Apparently during the four hour river crossing from Tanzania, the majority of time mzungus (white people) are stopped half way and told to pay ten times the original price otherwise they will not be taken any further. I have no desire to be in such a situation, so instead I am flying to a place 10km from a beach resort, where I hope prawns, surf and cool people will be in abundance.
Africa is the most varied place I have been to, but some things never change, and bit by bit I am learning to deal with them.
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