This Is TIA

Grammatical error, I know, but then - this is TIA. Where people are more concerned with where the next meal is coming from than speaking correctly. So when someone is telling you where the 'rowntree' is, he is not informing you of the location of the production facility of a popular fruit-based sugar-coated sweet, he is actually directing you to the place where you can wash clothes.

So seven countries in five weeks means more money spent on visas than curios, but it does mean that I have visited more nations in my life than I have had birthdays, which I am assured is essential. Looking back on the last five weeks, there are a few salient issues which have had a significant bearing on every situation, which I would now like to discuss.

1) The breaking of my iPod charger

This was devastating. Needing music to function, getting three days into my trip and finding the $3 ebay special 'works with all Apple products' mains charger did not actually work has created numerous problems.

Problem #1 - I can't charge my iPod. Which means that I have to borrow off other people. "Well everybody has Apple products these days, there must be tonnes kicking about," I hear you cry. But alas! Being the USSR of the technology of the world that they are, I can just imagine the software engineers at Apple chuckling to themselves every time someone experiences the dreaded, 'charging is not supported with this accessory' message, because different generation chargers are required for different generation products. How infuriating. 

But as it just so happens, I have tracked down the one charger which works, and was actually bought from a market on the outskirts of Santiago, Chile, for less than $2. But other people need to use it, and Africa isn't famous for the reliability or availability of power, so I'm lucky if I get music once every three days.

And it has changed social dynamics. I am forced to sing my own music now, but as the only song I can really always remember is 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers, people are growing tired of my casino-based advice given in musical form, and I am quite sure they know when to hold them - and when to fold them.

Student: "Why haven't you bought an iPod charger in one of the cities you have been through?" (read Gandhi's Hind Swaraj)

Teacher: Essentially, you can't buy an iPod charger in Africa. Now this perplexed, puzzled and baffled me until I had a sudden epiphany a couple of days ago. I couldn't understand why it was impossible to buy an iPod charger anywhere - but then I realised: they don't have iPods. Why would they sell chargers for something people don't have? Now all the funny looks I got, when spending the customary five minutes explaining the item I was after, make sense. They probably didn't even know what an iPod is. 

So it looks like Apple's hugely successful marketing scheme isn't as ubiquitous as first thought. I mean - who has heard of Steve Jobs on the banks of Lake Malawi? Not Vegemite, nor Captain Morgan, or even Mr Fantastic (all real people, I assure you). Apple need to work harder on the sub-Saharan African market - Coca Cola, Vodafone and Orange have got it down. Whereas Apple - you have let me down. Sort it out.

Anyway I have spent far too long dealing with salient issue #1 to go onto #2 (Tanzanian internet isn't the most reliable, so I am making hay while the sun shines), but I will give you a teaser: imagine close to $150 being spent on an inflatable sleeping mat to get punctured 2 days into a 35 day camping trip. Bet you're on the edge of your seat now. You'll have to wait for that one though.

Arguably more importantly, what have I been doing? Well, I have swam a lot, tanned a lot, subsequently burned a lot, and then resultantly drunk a lot (logical process, you see). Lake Malawi (means 'Lake of Stars') is pretty fab, could have stayed there for a month, but Tanzania beckoned (with it yet another $50 visa), and more importantly Zanzibar, where I am now. All I knew about Zanzibar before coming was it featuring in a popular song by Tenacious D, but now I know that Freddy Mercury was born here and that the Indian Ocean is quite warm. So a real voyage of cultural discovery this one. Plans for the next few days: beach, bar, snorkel, 2,000 mile bus journey down the east coast of Africa, eat, sleep, have a chat. All in a day's work for Dr Livingstone mark two (I'm too far north to call myself Cecil Rhodes any longer, so the Scottish Afrophile will have to do). Mozambique, here I come.